i am back, and i am better.

Or so I would like to believe, despite of a certain fallout with a very special friend, a friend I tried to be friends with... But I guess I knew it right from the start, somewhere deep within- we were never meant to be... I am just content and clean with my own conscience that I did my best... I don't blame you. Honestly. Even though I don't know why all of this happened out of thin air, but sometimes events happen due to critical mass, even though there seems to be no immediate reason behind them. I have to console myself on this theory. And I am brave enough to admit that I am justified in preserving my whimsical ego to sort out the matter with you. Trust me, nothing has changed from me, even though it might have changed for me. This is all I have...

This is the way you left me,
I am not pretending...
No hope, No love, No glory,
No happy ending.

Ah, the paradox of human life, notice how this phrase "No Happy Ending" contrasts against the title of a certain earlier post- no doubt written in higher spirits after watching OSO! :) But I am in love with this song. Its such an elation to dance to it.

I am not sad, I am just empty. Exactly as I had told Lesley on one of our rare "real" conversations in a bus on a South-African highway- "People generally do not have the power to have a negative enough impact on my paradise. They are adornments, not blemishes." I still stand by my statement Les. I hope I always will.

Anyways, after breaking my long exile from blogging on a rather low note, yours truly would like to update you about his life. Its all about one word these days- RESTLESS. My emotions are in perfect accord with every meaning of the word, and so are my intentions. My final dance concert, my signatory performance on the virgin CPA dance floor is just around the corner and there are many highlights this year- my parents' cherished presence in Saturday's audience being the icing on the cake. I can't believe I am actually going to dance with AC Dancers for the last time, last time under the guidance and exuberant light of Raj and in front of my parents. Since when did I come a dancer? I was an artist, but more a musician, or was I a scientist? Or a philosopher in pursuit of truth? I admit I don't know.

I wish it never ends. This journey. I don't want to reach the destination, can we all stop here and live happily ever after? living our dance, dancing our lives? Please?

Moving on, studies are not moving on AT ALL! Inspiration, where thou art? I have a lot on my mind, preparations for my parents' holidays- I want this to be a love-filled and relaxing time for them! Also, SATs and other academia! Phew! Bunk it for now. I have discovered something, or rather discovered what I have not discovered- Love.

I guess I underestimated the feeling a lot of times, and looked like I fell in love and fell out of it quite often. But now I am wiser. I am going to wait for it, until it really comes. This, no doubt exciting, is a bit disconcerting due to the possibility that it might never come or I might never be able to recognize it. Umang, I miss you...

mohito